Tuesday, December 4, 2012

I wondered why?

Well, our month of writing has ended and the children are working on doing the finishing touches for their stories.  We have three different genres from three different students.  (Spy/Dancing Twin mystery), (Lego/Mini figure invention), (Horses looking for their Mother).

We have been doing movie nights for the children and their friends.  The last one was A Christmas Carol.  It concluded with a Bible study on the incarnation and what really changes ones heart. We also had a large Jungle Jam (thanks to Dave Williams introduction of this fun game).

Personally, I have been struggling.  I see people hurting around me.  Marriages crumble, children rebelling, pain abounding and death of loved ones.   As I have been praying for their healing, it has also became a wake up call on my own life.  You see, we have an anniversary coming up.  I was wanting to make ours amazing. I was on an endless search for the best thing for us (overnight, play, dinner etc.)  I was obsessed.  I found out quickly that it is right before James preaches. Ugh. Fret some more Ella.  I even was mad with James because of his "lack of planning" or that I thought he didn't want something special.  turmoil inside!  Then it was Sunday morning.  During my study on "Lord, Teach Me to Pray" by Arthur I was guided to this verse in response to asking for "Our daily bread" from the Lord's Prayer.

James 4:1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

It was like a huge beam knocked me off my feet.  I get so self-sufficient and independence I never SUBMIT to God and ask for His Will.  It is all about me and my pleasures.  

Don't get me wrong, planning is not a sin but I was driven and not seeking or asking God for our marriage or anniversary. I was self absorb and inner struggle of making it work.  Not ONCE, praying.  

Lord, teach me to pray for your Daily Bread daily. Amen